A friend of mine is going through a hard time. His wife is dying of terminal cancer. She will be gone within a few hours. He is with her bedside at home hospice.
He is a long time sober friend. His wife is sober also. I am sober too.
3 years ago, I lost my mom to cancer. As a a result of being sober, my mom and I had a great relationship the last 6 years of her life. I wasn’t always nice to her and she wasn’t always nice to me. We had periods of time where we were so angry at each other, we didn’t talk for months or even years.
As part of my recovery program, I was able to really examine my part in our relationship issues. I then was able to bury the proverbial hatchet through an amends process. I apologized for my part in our squabbles, and made it a point to have a relationship with her while keeping my own shortcomings at bar.
I loved her and she loved me. We didn’t always like each other, but we loved each other.
The last several years, I would travel for work to Chicago (where we grew up). I tried to bring one of my four kids with me for these trips. And I always made it a point to go spend time with her. Nothing special happened on these visits other than we enjoyed each other’s company. Her face always lit up when she could spend time with her grandchild. I knew that she wanted to get to know them. She wanted to them to remember her.
Because we lived out of town, I would make it a point to call her every Monday morning as I was bringing the kids to school. I still reflexively pick up the phone on Monday mornings to call her but stop myself as I remember that she isn’t able to speak to us on the cell phone anymore.
I still feel her presence. Especially as I write this today.
When she passed. It was actually a beautiful moment. All of my siblings were at her bedside. Nothing was left unsaid from all of us. I think her dying wish was for her to know that she was loved and that she loved us. My siblings and I are really close and she lives on through us.
Her breathing stopped and so did her pain. She was at peace.
He is a long time sober friend. His wife is sober also. I am sober too.
3 years ago, I lost my mom to cancer. As a a result of being sober, my mom and I had a great relationship the last 6 years of her life. I wasn’t always nice to her and she wasn’t always nice to me. We had periods of time where we were so angry at each other, we didn’t talk for months or even years.
As part of my recovery program, I was able to really examine my part in our relationship issues. I then was able to bury the proverbial hatchet through an amends process. I apologized for my part in our squabbles, and made it a point to have a relationship with her while keeping my own shortcomings at bar.
I loved her and she loved me. We didn’t always like each other, but we loved each other.
The last several years, I would travel for work to Chicago (where we grew up). I tried to bring one of my four kids with me for these trips. And I always made it a point to go spend time with her. Nothing special happened on these visits other than we enjoyed each other’s company. Her face always lit up when she could spend time with her grandchild. I knew that she wanted to get to know them. She wanted to them to remember her.
Because we lived out of town, I would make it a point to call her every Monday morning as I was bringing the kids to school. I still reflexively pick up the phone on Monday mornings to call her but stop myself as I remember that she isn’t able to speak to us on the cell phone anymore.
I still feel her presence. Especially as I write this today.
When she passed. It was actually a beautiful moment. All of my siblings were at her bedside. Nothing was left unsaid from all of us. I think her dying wish was for her to know that she was loved and that she loved us. My siblings and I are really close and she lives on through us.
Her breathing stopped and so did her pain. She was at peace.
Your story is awesome. Why the addiction? I believe you wanted to stop pain. But, the pain doesn't go away when the drugs stop. Your thoughts?
ReplyDeleteThanks! I am not sure what you are asking, but I'll take a stab at it...Stopping the addiction didn't stop the pain, it stopped the shame. I did a lot of personal work to help stop the pain and grow.
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